It’s amazing how topics just come to you… I was talking to two girlfriends, who are both fairly newlyweds, this week about marriage and the subject of intimacy (actually, the lack of) came up. One dated her now husband for some time before they tied the knot but decided to wait until they were married to be completely intimate. The other didn’t date her husband long before they were married but had her share of fun before he came along. In both cases, these women are now struggling to be intimate with their husbands and it’s really taking a toll on their new unions. Everywhere you read or hear, the time to have your fun as a couple is before the kids come. But what happens when the two of you just can’t get it together? My suggestions to them were:

1. Pray- yes, get on your knees and pray about your intimacy issues. God’s heard it all so don’t be ashamed. He is allowing you to go through this so you will know to turn to Him is ALL matters of the heart. Besides, how are you going to produce children that grow up under His name if you can’t do what it takes?? Isn’t that one of the purposes of marriage?

2. Somebody has to step out of their comfort zone, or their routine. Most likely that somebody is you ladies! Take the bonnet cap off your head and fuzzy sleep socks off your feet for once.

3. Make it a commitment. Just like you commit to not cursing at each other, to fight fair, to consult each other before major purchases, or to never demean the other in public or private you can make intimacy commitments.

4. Don’t think for a second he has gotten used to not being intimate. You are just fooling yourself. Just like we need love, they need love. Ours is based on emotion, and theirs on physical connectivity.

Now EVERY marriage has its pitfalls and by no means is anyone’s perfect. Just when you think it’s perfect the Devil will find a way to throw a wrench in it. But hey, that’s why it’s fun. Because it’s always a challenge...