It’s amazing how topics just come to you… I was talking to two girlfriends, who are both fairly newlyweds, this week about marriage and the subject of intimacy (actually, the lack of) came up. One dated her now husband for some time before they tied the knot but decided to wait until they were married to be completely intimate. The other didn’t date her husband long before they were married but had her share of fun before he came along. In both cases, these women are now struggling to be intimate with their husbands and it’s really taking a toll on their new unions. Everywhere you read or hear, the time to have your fun as a couple is before the kids come. But what happens when the two of you just can’t get it together? My suggestions to them were:
1. Pray- yes, get on your knees and pray about your intimacy issues. God’s heard it all so don’t be ashamed. He is allowing you to go through this so you will know to turn to Him is ALL matters of the heart. Besides, how are you going to produce children that grow up under His name if you can’t do what it takes?? Isn’t that one of the purposes of marriage?
2. Somebody has to step out of their comfort zone, or their routine. Most likely that somebody is you ladies! Take the bonnet cap off your head and fuzzy sleep socks off your feet for once.
3. Make it a commitment. Just like you commit to not cursing at each other, to fight fair, to consult each other before major purchases, or to never demean the other in public or private you can make intimacy commitments.
4. Don’t think for a second he has gotten used to not being intimate. You are just fooling yourself. Just like we need love, they need love. Ours is based on emotion, and theirs on physical connectivity.
Now EVERY marriage has its pitfalls and by no means is anyone’s perfect. Just when you think it’s perfect the Devil will find a way to throw a wrench in it. But hey, that’s why it’s fun. Because it’s always a challenge...
Whoever said life is easy as pie obviously was not married. Being in a marriage brings dimensions to your life that you could never have imagined and let’s face it keeping a marriage healthy and can be quite challenging. There are many factors why the divorce rate is at a staggering high and the concept of family is slowly diminishing.
credit: Essence.com
Steven James Dixon for Essence.com spells out 10 Skills for a Successful Marriage that include having confidence in your marriage, developing problem solving, forgiveness, creativity and life skills. It is a refreshing list that reminds us that just as the things around us evolve so should our marriages.
READ THE ARTICLE >
I was having an interesting conversation with an associate and she was telling me how she still communicates and occasionally visits an old flame from high school. He has been in prison for about 6 years and she continues to emotionally support him. She says she feels she owes it to him and that he needs her support. So when is enough, enough? Think of a friend (non-relative) you care deeply for and imagine they made a decision that let to them being incarcerated for an extended period of time. What would you do?
